Family Values

Thinking about what we value, what matters most to us, can help us understand ourselves and our children better. As we define what is important to us, it can help us come together and have shared family goals. When you’re all on the same page, it’s much easier to make decisions and try new things, because you’re in agreement on what is most important.

Having shared family values and goals can also help you build connections and a sense of belonging, which supports everyone’s mental health. It’s also a great way to get to know your kids better.

Step 1: Check in with Yourself

Before establishing family values and goals. It is important for you to reflect. Ask yourself the following questions: 

• What kind of person do I want to be?
• What kind of parent or caregiver do I want to be?
• What future do I want for my children?
• How do I want to spend my time?

Then take time to reflect on your own values:

• What do you care about and why?
  • By understanding your why it will help you to explain it and gain your family's understanding and buy in.

If you have a partner, take time to think on your own and then have a discussion about each of your defined values. Where do they overlap? Work to come up with a shared vision for your family.

Step 2: Family Input

Next, gather the family together and discuss what a good family value is. You’ll want to ask some questions like:

• What do we really care about as a family?
• What is our family “about”?
• What are we good at? What do we like doing together?
• What are some things we’re working to improve on?
• What are our family’s cultural traditions and how do we want to incorporate those traditions in our family system?

Try to come up with phrases or sentences that summarize what your family agrees is important. You’ll want something that is clear to everyone. And you’ll want to take the lead to put it into action. We have some examples below and a download to help guide your family session.

Step 3: Get Some Goals

Now that you’re agreed on your family value statement, are there any goals you want to set to work toward that? Ask your kids if there are any goals that they want to set that connect to your family values. Not sure how to help kids set goals? Check out our information on SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Timely) goals.

For example, if your family is about having fun together, maybe you want to have a weekly movie night or game night.

If your family value is about being a welcoming house where people can gather, maybe one of your kids would like to have a personal goal of inviting a different friend over each week. Maybe another child who enjoys cooking would like to try new recipes. 

Examples of Family Values and Goals

Each family will have their own unique values and ways of expressing them. There is no wrong answer!

Example 1: Value - Strong Family

Goals families may think of could be spending quality time together, making and sharing meals or watching sporting events. Then the family takes those brainstorm goals and further define into a SMART goal.

SMART example: Spend quality time as a family twice a week for at least an hour. This will occur on Friday nights and on Sunday mornings. We all take turns picking the activities we engage in and will do this for a month.

Example 2: Value - Prioritizing Education

Possible brainstormed family goals could include learning new things together, attending school events and helping with homework.

SMART example: As a family, we will sit at the dining room table after dinner every school night to do homework. If no homework, will sit there to learn something new or read a book.

Revisit and Revise

Your family values may change. Goals you set may not work. Consider checking in every few months on how it's going.

Discuss openly and hear everyone out, really listening to make sure you’ve understood. Look for opportunities to compromise.

It can be challenging to work across various ages, cultural backgrounds and personalities. But it can be done, and it can make your family much more focused and mentally strong!